I should know better. Actually, I do know better, but for some reason the desire for a nice new bathtub outweighed the certainty that I would live to regret the trials and tribulations of getting it installed. I’ve remodeled before. I’ve dealt with contractors before. I think I’ve come away from each previous encounter having learned something more about how the game is played. I know and understand the two unbreakable rules of remodeling. One: it will take longer than promised. Two: it will cost more than the contract stipulates. I figure I’m ready to take the plunge. Our master bath had become ‘my’ bathroom’ after the kids had grown and left the nest. Some people wail about the ‘empty nest’ syndrome. I prefer to think of it as gaining a bathroom. The only downside – the master bath has a shower big enough to have a party and lose the band, but no bathtub. The other two bathrooms have the typical tub/shower combo. I wanted the luxury of a leisurely soak in a nice tub once in a while. But, being primarily a shower person, I didn’t want to lose the shower.

First comes the search for a contractor. I live in a community undergoing continuous growth. This is good for those in the construction business, because they are always working on major hotels, apartments, and luxury housing developments. This is not so good for the poor homeowner who just wants a simple bathroom remodel. I sweetened the pot by adding a new vanity and sink job in my husband’s bathroom  Still, just getting a contractor to return a phone call ranks right up there with minor miracles. If they call you back, they’re either busy until 2005, or they don’t work on that side of town, or they’re just plain not interested in such a small job. All the ones who do small jobs are booked until 2025. Then, if you do find one who will come take a look, you’re lucky if you ever see him again. I had my reliable plumber come look. He got kidney stones or gallstones, or something -- whatever they were, they made it impossible for him to use a telephone to tell me why he didn't show. The guy who had installed my new windows just loved doing kitchens and baths – his specialty. After 3 months of leaving messages, I finally caught him at a weak moment when he actually answered the phone. But, alas, he too was overloaded with other jobs. One independent contractor returned a phone call, made an appointment, and showed up on time. Could this be the one? After looking at the room and telling me how many mistakes the builders had made, and how he was sure he could do exactly what I wanted, he left, promising that he’d work up some sketches and get back to me after the weekend. The fact that he left was a dead giveaway. I never heard from him again. Since I had been considering this project for several years with much the same results, I figured we’d continue waiting and putting out feelers and see what would happen.

Then, one fine day, inside a letter from someone wanting to sell me an extended warranty on my kitchen appliances, is this little flyer. "Do you need to find a contractor?" it says. Just go to HomeImprove.com and we can find one for you. Licensed, no outstanding lawsuits, and willing to do the work. Manna from heaven. Can these people out in cyberland actually find someone in my hometown who will come work for me. I race to the computer and fill out the forms and hit ‘submit’. Sure enough, a few days later I get the name of not one, but TWO contractors who have said they would be willing to discuss my job. Not the three or four the company says it will provide, but still two more than I’ve been able to find. I call and make appointments with both. I am more than impressed when one actually calls from her cell phone on the way to my house telling me she will be about 20 minutes late. Twenty minutes! Usually you hear from them after they’re 20 days late. My heart is soaring.

I meet with both contracting companies. Each promises to see if there is any way on earth to get what I want into the bathroom. By now, I am pretty much resigned to losing the separate tub and shower, and am willing to go with some larger tub/shower combo. I don’t want a teeny shower, a teeny tub, and a cramped master bath.

The two companies come in with very different plans, although very similar prices. I decide, after much agonizing, because I really have trouble saying ‘no’ to people, to go with Company B. I call them and make an appointment to discuss a contract. Their guy Bud has the flu and we have to postpone.  I make a new appointment the day before we have to leave town for a week. Things look pretty good, but I tell him I have to see samples for the counters and tub before I’ll sign anything. After all, I need it to match what’s already in the room. He agrees to bring them the day after we return.

I’m home from the trip, doing the laundry, and Bud is over an hour late. I call the office and his boss has no record of an appointment. I am now convinced that Bud is a true contractor. When he does call me, his recollection is that "I would call when I got back." I call his boss back, and he and the company owner say they will come to my house, with samples and revised contract.

I had some premonitions about trouble when the ‘scope of work’ in the contract had left out a few things, but I went over it line by line on the phone, and thought that we would now be on the same page. Heck, if we were even in the same library, I’d be happy. I stand my ground and insist on a penalty clause if they can’t get the room done by Thanksgiving (it’s now mid September, and I had made my first contact with HomeImprove on August 1^st). They don’t like it, but I agree to give a bonus if they finish before my daughter arrives Halloween weekend. I write a check and sign the contract.

So, now I’ve selected the ‘marble’, we have a signed contract, and the company owner herself says to meet her at the tile store next week to select the tile. I do. We find some gorgeous choices. I ask her if they’re in the budget. "Not to worry," she says. "Are you sure?" I repeat. "You’re fine." is her reply. "Great." She even takes me to lunch. That night, her husband/partner calls and says … "ooops. You’re not budgeted for that kind of tile. It’s written in your contract that you have x dollars a square foot. I thought I’d call now and let you know that it will cost you more if you go with the tile you’ve selected." I decide to keep my cool. Probably the only time it will happen, so I’ll give them this one. "OK – how much more is this tile? Let me know and I’ll tell you if you should order it. Email me, fax me, or leave a message on my machine, as I’ll be away for a couple of days. "

No message upon my return, of course. I call, he says he’s trying to get the exact measurements from Bud to work out the cost. "No," I say. "All I need to know is how much a square foot the tile is. I can do the math and see how much over my allowance it will be." "Oh… is that what you want. No problem; I’ll call you right back." He does, and the price isn’t nearly as bad as I thought, so I decide to use this as my ‘I was nice when you screwed up’ card and say to go ahead and order the tile. We’re looking at about 3 weeks for the tub and sinks to be done, and then about 2 weeks to finish the job.

I get home from the grocery store and find a message on my machine. We will have the tub next week, so we’ll be there tomorrow morning to start demolition. Please have the room empty. OK – I spend the afternoon moving everything from one bathroom to another and am glad my schedule is open for the following day. No way am I going to be the one who causes a delay – just what they’d want as an excuse to get out of my hard won penalty clause! And the work is scheduled to begin between 9 and 9:30. Lo and behold, at 9:03 the doorbell rings. They have gained back a couple of points.

Part 2: The work gets underway.

Most of the demolition was finished that day, without too many snags. One pipe has a slow drip; they leave a bucket. The only excitement came when Candace and Lenny came to ‘straighten out’ the tile misunderstanding. These people will learn not to mess with menopausal women. After much discussion about who said what and when and to whom, we confirmed that I had agreed to accept the tile and pay the difference. However, I insisted that they continue to lay the tile as discussed, and they could eat the labor costs. After discussing it with the estimator, they agreed to put in my 5 little marble inserts in the floor and to lay one course of tiles on the diagonal in the shower for visual interest at no additional charge. I hear Bud say that Candace will never be allowed to take a client shopping again. I feel fine.

Faucets need to be selected. I get the dollar amount they have budgeted and head off to the home improvement stores to see if I can find something I like almost as much as my first choice which is, of course, over budget. Maybe I can save enough to cover a couple of square feet of tile. Bud gives me the buzz words – ‘rebuildable’ ‘4 inch centers’ and ‘diverter’. I find some sink faucets that pass muster and, according to the experts at the store, are easy to repair. Only now they tell me that they don’t carry the parts I need to work my tub/shower combo.  I defer buying the sink faucets until I find out if they can match or come close with the shower/tub fixtures. I call Lenny who accepts responsibility for purchasing the shower/tub hardware, and I tell him the name of the faucets I’d like them to match. None of this would seem to be a big deal, except that I was told that the plumber will be here in 3 days to install the tub, and I’m getting the feeling that 1) they didn’t really consider that the hardware would be ‘non-standard’, and 2) when they figure out how to do it, it will take 3 weeks to arrive and cost 3 times the allowance. I will wait. Bud is due with the plumber to rough in things tomorrow, and we’ll see what happens.

Bud said he’d be here between 9 and 9:30, and after his prompt arrival on Friday, I want to be sure I’m available. At 9:45 the phone rings. Lenny says he’s talked to Bud, and he’ll arrive ‘around lunch time’. Well, I have an 11 o’clock dentist appointment, but Lenny says 1 PM ought to be fine. At 4:00 I call Lenny, who hasn’t heard from Bud either. No contractor points gained today. What they earned by the ‘he’ll be late’ phone call they more than lost on the no-show. Two days of work scheduled, one day of work completed. So far, they’re showing up 50% of the time, which isn’t unexpected. But I am wondering what the rush was to get here Friday. They must take some perverse pleasure in knowing that they’ve given me four extra days without a bathroom. I discover it’s 42 steps from my bed to the hall bath and vow to stop the intake of fluids by 3 PM.

Bud and his plumber show up Wednesday morning. They’re only about an hour late and I commiserate about the way traffic comes to a halt on the Interstate when there’s an accident.  They excavate the floor where the tub is to be recessed. This doesn’t take very long, and considering they’re using a jackhammer, I’m grateful. The tub is to be delivered tomorrow, and they say we’re ready for it. Bud asks for a check for the first draw. I tell him I’ll have it ready for him tomorrow.

Thursday morning Bud and company show up at about 10:15 to wait for the tub, which arrives about two cups of coffee later. The tub is wheeled into place without incident. My wood floors and doorways survive, and nothing seems to have broken. This is good. The assimilated marble counter tops with sinks are set in the garage to await the arrival of the cabinets. They appear to be what I ordered. By mid-afternoon, it is decided that the plumber needs a few more parts, and will return in the morning to finish it up. Bud will arrive a bit later to start the framing. Bud drives off without his check – he is too far down the block to see me waving it in the air.

We get a call at about 7:30 that night from Bud. His bookkeeper insists that he have check in hand, so do we mind if he comes down for it? "Of course not," I reply, "but we do go to bed early." I let my husband know that this is his chance to tell Bud what he thinks of the garage clutter, and to ask all those questions about insulation, vapor barriers, and the like that he’s been pestering me with. So, in return for the check, Dan now knows that yes, there will be new insulation and vapor barriers, and he’ll move the vanity to the patio and cart away the old shower enclosure when he comes tomorrow. Bud almost leaves without the check again.

Friday morning. Plumber arrives on time (I give 30 minutes grace), puts in the drain and whatever else he was going to do, and says goodbye by 10:30. Bud is still not here. At noon, I call the office. Candace says Bud is doing paperwork and she didn’t think he intended to be there at all, but she’ll give him a call and see what’s happening. A little later, I get a call from Bud who is at the DIY Center. He didn’t expect the plumber to be finished so quickly, and the cabinets aren’t in but are promised for 8 am Monday, and he’ll be there at 8 to pick them up and come straight to my place. See you Monday.  Dan is not pleased that the garage issue didn’t get solved. We move his bike and he promises to be careful around the vanity top by his workbench.

Monday morning. Lenny calls at 10:15. Good news and bad news. The cabinets didn’t include the drawer units. They’ll be in next Monday. The tile is being ordered. Bud will be in on Wednesday to continue working. (I guess the good news is that I don’t have to wait around again until Wednesday.)

Wednesday morning. Only about an hour and a half late, but there are 3 workers framing things and putting up sheetrock. Bud moves the vanity tops and takes away the old shower enclosure parts. They finish up mid afternoon, and Bud says the plumber will be back first thing in the morning. Not exactly first thing, but Jamie the plumber arrives and sets to work at installing all the pipes and faucets and things. He’s never done the kind of deck mount on the tub that has to connect to the diverter to the showerhead, but he makes a couple of trips to the DIY Center and says he’ll be back at 8 am to finish up and will have to shut off the water to do it.  Jamie arrives at about 9:45. Something about having to wait for his helper. He finishes, and we actually have both hot and cold water coming out of their respective faucets. Someone forgot the lever for the diverter, but a pair of pliers proves that the shower works as well. Jamie leaves, and I wait for Bud, who never shows up. I’m not surprised.

Sunday, Dan and I go to the home improvement store and buy a toilet. I look at medicine cabinets, but anything that would fit the existing opening is worse than the one I already have, so I decide I’ll just clean up the old one.

Monday morning, I call Candace at 10:30 for an update. She tells me she has no idea where Bud is, but she’ll page him. I wait about an hour, then leave on my errands. I have a note in the bathroom for Bud with my cell phone number in case he shows up while I’m out. I get home – no sign of anyone, nor any phone messages. I page Bud. He calls me right back, and says he’s still ‘on his way’, and he’ll get there eventually. He admits he got Candace’s page, but just ignored it. This doesn’t give me warm fuzzy feelings about their relationship. At 3:00, I have decided they’re a no-show again. At 3:30, Bud’s red truck pulls into the driveway, and he unloads the windows, the cabinets, and other assorted unidentified bits and pieces of construction materials. He tells me Charlie will be by early in the morning, and he’ll be there shortly thereafter.  He arrives at 8:05 apologizing for being late. He apparently hasn’t achieved the typical contractor work ethic yet. He sets to work, and says Bud has a 10 o’clock meeting. His helper shows up around 10 as I am leaving to find grout sealer and cabinet hardware. I return from the store with grout sealer, but they’re out of the knobs I want. "When will they come in?" I ask. The salesman checks his computer and says, "Oh, they’ve just arrived today. If you don’t mind waiting a little while, I’ll go see if I can find them." He returns about 15 minutes later, sans knobs. He can’t find them, but he’ll call me when they surface, and he’ll set them aside. Just be aware that he’s leaving on vacation day after tomorrow. I pay for the sealer and say a little prayer that the hardware store gods are smiling and will actually find the knobs, set them aside, and give me a call so I can get them tomorrow before he disappears, since he will undoubtedly be the only one who knows where they are.

The new windows are installed. Of course, they’re not the size that was specified on the contract, but I think I’m going to overlook that, as they will mean less work for the guys, and might even be a tad cheaper for me, since the "wrong" windows will mean less of a hole to fill in where the old windows were, and a bigger window in the shower means fewer square feet of the tile I’m paying extra for. Wonder how that will affect my ‘visual interest’ tiles, but I think it will work. It’s 2:45 PM. Bud, of course, is nowhere to be seen, and the boys are now cleaned up and ready to leave. They’ve paged him, but I don’t think they’ll wait around very long.

Bud shows up at 3:30 and gets the guys back to work. They install the window and level out the floor so it will be ready to tile. Charlie will be at another job tomorrow, but Bud says to expect him around 9, and that the water will be off for an hour or two. He explains that the smaller windows were available only in the crank-out variety, not the single hung. He’s obviously getting ‘off the shelf’ material, because we have a smaller window in the other bathroom that opens and closes just like the rest of the windows in the house. I agree it’s not a problem, but tell him it would have been more professional to let me know beforehand.

Wednesday. No word from Bud. Candace doesn’t know where he is. I leave him a note and head off to get the knobs. I had called first, and yes, a box was set aside for me. When I return, still no sign of any action, but there’s a message on the machine from Candace. Bud had battery problems; he’ll be here tomorrow. I look at the bathroom more carefully and notice that the opaque glass on the new window is just some vinyl backing, which is peeling off the panes. I leave a message for Candace telling her that I wanted opaque glass, not plastic sheeting.

Thursday. Charlie sets up and says Bud should be on his way. We chat, and he tells me that Bud’s battery exploded, which is why he didn’t show up at all. Bud arrives at 11. He tells me he knows about the clear glass and it will be replaced with opaque glass; it was a mistake he was aware of. Good news on that front. Bud and Charlie disappear to get some lunch. I look at the cabinets which have finally been removed from the cartons. The door units look great, but the drawer units each have 3 drawers instead of the 4 I had requested, and they’re about 4 inches narrower than the ones they’re replacing. Modern technology. You get a cabinet that’s 15 inches wide, and they manage to squeeze a 9 ½ inch drawer into it. Bud is not back; he’s on his way to the store to get a special trowel. Wonder why he didn’t get one before today. The plumber is due this afternoon to start hooking up the sinks, and do something about a toilet flange so Bud can get the tiles laid out.

Friday – a full day of work. They ask if it’s ok to stay until 5 or 6 to finish the shower and get the floor laid out.  However, the shower is only partially complete, and the floor is a long way from being started. Bud asks if it’s ok if he comes Saturday to get the shower finished and the floor done. Not a problem, although I will be gone all day at my daughter’s Taekwondo competition. I’m not sure which will be more interesting – watching people set tiles or watching people kicking each other in the head.

Saturday. Bud calls to tell me he’s wrapping things up for the day, and that he didn’t get as far as he thought he would. When I get home, I see that he’s still not finished with the shower, and the floor is still void of any tiles.

Monday morning all three workers are here before 8:30 am. Be still my heart. Bud is outside applying the second coat of stucco to the wall under the new window (which is still clear glass), Charlie is finishing up the vanity in Dan’s bathroom, and Hank is fixing up the tile around the window. By lunchtime, they are actually working on the floor. Bud decides he’ll take the boys to lunch, so they disappear for about an hour and a half. Before he leaves, Bud gives me the invoices for draws 3 and 4. I question whether or not we’re actually at the point stated on the invoices, since although the window is in the wall, it’s not the right glass, and there are pieces of hardware missing from the other window. There are no knobs on either vanity, which means Dan can’t put his stuff away because it will get messed up when they drill the holes. The side panels for the master vanity top are still on the patio. In addition, there is no credit for the fixtures I have purchased. Bud says this is all done on the final payment. However, if this is the case, why was I billed for the extra cost of the tile on the second draw? I don’t think they can have it both ways.

Tuesday. As expected, no phone call about Wednesday.

Wednesday. 9:30 am. Still no word. I’ll page him. Surprised that I get a call back almost immediately. Not surprised that he says ‘I’m not going to make it today."

Thursday. I wake up and find that I have managed to sprain my back to the point of virtual immobility. Dan manipulates me across the house to the bathroom (remember – no master bath convenient to the bedroom any more) and gets some clothes on my body before Charlie shows up to grout. Charlie grouts. Bud shows up to advise. He leaves. I lie on the guestroom bed with icepacks on my back. Dan takes me to the doctor. I get drugs. Bud is involved in a fishing tournament Friday, so I won’t see him until Monday or Tuesday. I don’t see him Monday, but he does return a call on Tuesday to tell me the shower enclosure just arrived and he’ll have someone there to install it in the morning.

Wednesday morning, Hank and someone new arrive with the tub/shower enclosure. They spend a good part of the morning moving it around, adjusting it, and calling Bud to discuss how it should be positioned. None of these actions inspires confidence. Another phone call and they take the whole thing off and wait for the silicone to dry so they can peel it off. They finish the second attempt at installation at about 3 PM, and decide that they’ll just leave the leftover piece that goes on the door for Bud to figure out. I ask them to ask Bud when he’ll be back. They say they’ll have him let me know.

Thursday. More deafening silence. No response to 2 pages. No response from Candace. I send an email apprising them of my feelings about the communication barrier. The blinds I ordered arrive. I look askance at the box, because it seems awfully long for a 34 inch wide blind. I carefully remove the packing list, and it says width 34, length 61, so I open the box. Inside is a unit that is --- lo and behold – 61 inches wide. I can only assume the length is 34 inches, because I’m not going to unwrap it to find out. The color seems different from what I remember, though. However, it seems to look fine with the existing color scheme, so I chalk that one up to a bad memory for color. I call DIY Center. After the requisite number of phone transfers, I reach someone who tells me that if I bring the blinds back, he’ll credit my account and reorder them. I tell him what he can do with that plan --- among other things, I can’t drive yet because of my back. He says he can send someone to my house to pick them up. I tell him to call the factory and find out how fast they can get the correct blinds to me. He will call back. He doesn’t, at least not in 2 hours, so I call again. Customer Service says she’ll try to track down someone who knows what’s going on. I get a call from a manager who tells me that the paperwork has just hit his desk, and what time would be good for me to turn the blinds over to someone from the store. I say I’ll leave the things on the porch, that I don’t care a whit what happens to the blinds, but that I want the factory to drop everything, make my new blinds and overnight them to me. He’s not sure he can promise that. Besides, that’s a different department. He’s in pickup and delivery. I tell him to have someone call me back with the factory’s answer, reiterating that that’s what I called about two hours ago. I get a call back from a Frankie who is delighted to tell me that the factory admitted the error (oh my) and will ship the right blinds directly to me. The DIY Center will even credit my account, and I won’t have to pay for them. At this point, I’m feeling a bit unscrupulous and wishing that I had bought blinds that cost more than $22.93. It should take a week. At the rate the bathroom is moving along, that should still be in time to have Bud and crew install them for me.

Friday. Lenny responds to my email and tells me Bud MIGHT get by today after 1 PM or tomorrow. Week’s recap – workers half of one day.

Lo and behold, the phone rings at 9:07 Saturday morning and Bud says he’s going to stop at Home Depot and then he’ll be here to finish up. I tell him I’ll make a point of staying home.

Now we can discuss what ‘finished’ means.

Bud arrives along with Charlie and Jamie the plumber. The toilet is installed, although the box was missing the little caps that cover the bolts at the base. Bud went back to the DIY Center to pick them up. Dan has given him his punch list with all the bits and pieces to fix. They say they’ll be done, except for the glass for the window which is due on Wednesday. Bud gives Charlie the punch list and leaves.  A while later, he comes into my office with a very dejected look and a profound apology. Seems that while he was attaching the bottom part of the shower door (the piece that Hank didn’t know what to do with), the door shattered into a kazillion itty bitty pieces. He calls Bud to tell him we now need either a new door or replacement glass. This is not turning out to be a good day for Charlie. He sweeps up most of the glass, but leaves the door with its glass icicle trim where it is and says he’ll be back tomorrow.

Charlie arrives on Sunday and spends several hours finishing. He grouts and makes some cursory passes at cleaning, but says the grout has to dry before he can clean it up, and the ceiling should have another coat of paint. He notes that the screen from the front window is too small. We find a tear in the other screen. Charlie tells me to relay the information to Bud so that he can order a new screen, or do whatever he has to do. I call Lenny on Monday and let him know. I do some basic clean up and actually move a few things into the drawers. I find more things to add to the punch list.

Wednesday morning I get an email from Lenny saying Bud will be out Thursday morning to finish the job, and he will be by in the afternoon to settle the account. I email Lenny my punch list, and apply grout sealer to the floor. Then I try to see if my blinds have been shipped, and when I can expect delivery. Their ‘week’ would be tomorrow, and it would be nice to have Bud install them.

Believe it or not, a crew does arrive at a reasonable hour Thursday morning and sets to work. The new shower door is installed, my punch list is given cursory attention, and things look like they’re finally going to be finished. Of course, there has to be a glitch, and there is. It seems as though the obscured glass for the shower window was cracked, and it has to be re-ordered. Bud arranges for the glass company to deliver and install it. They will also accept responsibility for re-touching all the scratches and gouges in the window frame. We discuss the differences in our definitions of ‘clean’, and I concede on enough points deciding it will be easier to do it myself. Lenny arrives and we discuss the final settlement. Since the job technically isn’t finished, I hold back 10% pending the satisfactory completion of the windows.

On Friday, I set to the task of clean-up and sealing more grout. My blinds are delivered. I notice that the factory has managed to send them to the wrong address, which is why they are late. I call The DIY Center and talk to Jamie again. This time, I tell him that since the factory was unable to get the order right the first time (It turns out the first set was the wrong color) or even manage to duplicate an address correctly, that I expected The DIY Center to send someone to install them at no charge to me. I repeated all the other problems I’d encountered with the missing parts in other items I’d purchased, and Jamie agreed to find someone to take care of installation. I got a call from Harvey who made an appointment for Monday morning.

On Saturday night, I came home to my new bathtub. Scented candles, aromatic bath crystals, hot water --- for a while, I forgot all the problems I’d had, and just enjoyed a wonderfully relaxing soak. Sunday morning, I took bucket and sponges in hand, cleaned down the shower walls, and gave the shower a test as well. Everything seemed to work just fine. Of course, there are still some minor defects, and we'll see how Lenny will handle them, but for now, my bathroom project is complete. Would I call them again for another project? I think the question is more, ‘Would they agree to work for me again?"

Part 3 – the finish work.

I call Harvey to make sure he brings the right kind of screws. He calls back to ask how many he should bring. He arrives, I show him to the work. He is also made to listen to all the ways DIY Center has caused me problems. About 10 minutes later, he comes into my office and tells me there is yet another chapter for my epic. It seems that although he was very careful to put his cordless drill into his truck last night, he neglected to confirm that the drill was actually inside the case. It wasn’t. Not letting him off that easy, I give him my husband’s drill, albeit a far less macho model, and make him get back to work. The blinds are installed at last, and I no longer have to close the bathroom door against the glare of the streetlight.

The window glass isn’t in stock until we get back from our Thanksgiving trip to Illinois. When the installers do arrive, they bring the glass and refuse absolutely to have anything to do with adjusting windows or fixing scratches. "We didn’t install the windows. Call your contractor." So, it’s back to playing ‘find Bud’. After a few false starts, we connect and he shows up with his retouch expert, who of course is missing his critical tool. For some reason, I actually have a book of paper matches in the house, something that is not a ‘given’ in a household of non-smokers. It turns out that the torn off end of a paper match is the perfect paintbrush for retouching metal window frames. Bud adjusts, Kevin paints. I point out that the header on the shower enclosure isn’t long enough to meet the wall. Bud agrees and says he will order another one. I don’t expect this to be done until after we return from a trip to the Pacific northwest.

Upon returning, the challenge of finding Bud has escalated. We now have the death of a close friend of his to add to the ‘why I wasn’t there’ list, and while I can sympathize, I see no reason why he can’t find some way to communicate this information. His office has no idea how to reach him, or when he might deign to show up. The office fax machine isn’t functioning, nor is their email system. I finally give up and contact the HomeImprove people who agree to see if they can apply any pressure. By now it is January, 2001. This has been quite some "two to three week project." HomeImprove nudges, Bud calls, and tells me Hank and Kevin will be over later that day. Fine. They arrive, and set to work. A short while later, they say they don’t understand how it could have happened, but they cut the replacement header too short. They’re paging Bud. They wait. They try to call the vendor to see if they can get another header. Bud calls back and coaches them long distance on what they may have done wrong. They check, and discover he was right. Somehow, they’ve managed to push the support piece out of alignment, which makes the measurement change. They also neglected to take into account the fact that the inside of the shower is tile, while the outside is sheetrock, and there’s about a quarter inch difference – exactly the shortfall of their header. They set to work cutting the appropriate notch so that the header is the right length both inside and out and say they’re finished.

I have decided that I am not calling Lenny to tell him they finished the job. I’ll let him call me if he wants his final pittance. Meanwhile I installed a spa showerhead with 7 different sprays plus a mist feature, so that every shower is an adventure. Almost as much of an adventure as building the thing in the first place.

Was it worth it?

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